Funny Retirement Poems, Limericks & Sayings

Are you the creative type? If so, do your best to create a funny poem, limerick or saying for your next retirement party or card. There is nothing better than making a roomful of people laugh – at the expense of somebody else!

Funny Retirement Poems

Creating funny retirement poems is not for everybody. Fortunately, we have compiled a couple of classics that can help you get a few good laughs.

There’s quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn’t begin at 40.

That’s a big fat lie.
My hair’s getting thinner, my body is not:
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.

I smell of Vick’s Vapor Rub, not Chanel #5;
My new pacemaker’s all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I’ll know,
But, what was I doing 10 minutes ago?

Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I’m off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names there, I’ll once again start -
perfecting the art of falling apart.


Over the hill but not yet old.
I’m still spunky, so I am told.
My life has been a bumpy ride.
But, my inner-child smiles inside.

As the winter of my life slowly nears.
It’s time for me to switch some gears.
But, while I’m waiting for that time.
I’m kicking and alive at sixty-five.

When creating funny retirement poems follow these tips:

  1. Make sure you are actually being funny. The last thing you want to do is insult somebody. Funny retirement poems that make you laugh may not go over well with everybody else.
  2. Practice in front of a couple of people before you “go live” with your poem. This helps to ensure that the poem is appropriate, while also helping calm your nerves. If you are writing the poem in a card, get it “proofed” by somebody else before sealing the envelope.

No matter if you are going to create your own funny retirement poems or use one of those listed above, it is a great way to show a family member, friend, or co-worker just how much you care.

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